Late night thoughts-negatives

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         What a boring CNY. I am really bored till death. I can sit in my coach scrolling my phone for the whole afternoon. Wanted to study but I feel so sien until I have the extra time to write a new post after Dragon Blade post.

         Yea, motivation not there.When I was about to study, I was like what the hell. There's angels and devils fighting between each other. Angels were like Babe you better start studying or else you can't catch up. Exam's coming. Work hard my dear. And evils were like my darling, now is still hols. You still have time. And pouring the poison named as 'laziness' on me. I guess I am addicted. I have to overcome this.Guess I have to start few days after. 
   
        Yea, still slacking. CNY supposed to be a fun and enjoyable. But now? No more. Not fun anymore. Supposed to go somewhere else or meet relatives but I just stay at home being a potato. Not socialise with anyone. ANYONE. Except my dears. Feel so sien. Damn sien. Demotivated. Not able to continue.

           Actually this quote inspired me a lot. If you wanna give up, think of the reason that you want to start off since the beginning. I found this is right. It's not worth to give it up when you are starting half way. Wasted right? Somehw like my studies. The reason I chose A Lvls is this can bring me anywhere I want. I wanted to have a better course in uni so that I can earn more money with my cert. Sounds so wrong right? You study is to learn more knowledge, be a educated person. Me too. But, money is more important. You have no choice as you live in a materialistic country. I have to earn more money to have a better lifestyle. That's why I choose this. I don't want simply earn 2 or 3k( not looking down kay? No offence) and marry a person and be a housewife. I wanted to earn more money to do the things I want without depend on anybody. I want to explore the world with my loves one.

Nothing drops from the tree. Success wouldn't be so easy. Or I said it's hard. I really can bang on my wall when I am stucked in some miserable maths ques or not able to get the concept.

            Was planning to go Bangkok for a short vacation since last yr. I really miss the time I went to Hong Kong. My parents said we will be going after A2 finish. What the fxxx. You din't say this earlier. I was putting so high hope of wanting to go Bangkok for a vacation. What the hell. You said you have no mood bc of my result. Shit. You din't mention this before.

           Never put so high hope and expectation on some thing. You will get hurt. You promise me before. Tears want to come out but I won't let it fall. You said so. I was so dissapointed. Really dissapointed. Don't act like it's because of me. I feel so restless. Really. Sumore forbiden me from watching movie. Want me to study. What the hell. Don't help me to make decision. I hate it. I totally hate it. I don't like you act like you're right in every matter and forcing me to eat the food that I feel extreamly digusting and yucks, that is lup cheong.

           Some time I wonder, can I escape from here and fly far far away? All my negative thoughts are poured out. Tommorow is a brand new day and I shall start it with a brand new mood. Want to dozed off and heading to bed. Goodnight.

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